Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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