He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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