Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
