im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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