I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
