dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
