He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My ass is underappreciated
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
