The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
