I'm lost and stupid without you.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
