Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
