pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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