toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
