I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
