You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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