i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
