That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
