No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
