Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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