I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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