Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
