i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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