Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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