My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
