oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
