yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
