Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
