He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
