His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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