and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
