is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
