I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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