He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
