No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
