Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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