you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
