Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
