the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
