I skipped work to stalk him.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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