just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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