I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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