dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
