Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize