I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You are the jesus of drinking
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
