and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
