The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
