i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
