Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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