I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize