Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
