Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
