4 words: hood of his car
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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