I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
