It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
