He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
