The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
