that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
