Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
