Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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