I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
