Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
