Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
me + whiskey = a bad person
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
