**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
