Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
