I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize