3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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