I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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