we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
