just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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