I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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