she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
