I wish I only lived at night.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
