A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
