My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ladies don't puke and tell
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
