I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
