The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize