if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
