I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
