At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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