I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
