After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize