Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
