guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize