Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
