I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
