If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
