the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
