dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
