I want to make a zoo with you.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
