happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
