barbara walters just said penis...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
