my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
